I guess I am doing a series of stories on why you can’t take me anywhere. There are a lot of them. It’s a multi-part series that may take a long time to get through.
This was a few years ago when I lived in the tiny apartment on the beach. I had been seeing a guy, M, who lived on the other coast of Florida. It takes about two and a half hours to drive across the width of the state. We would drive back and forth almost every weekend.
I was visiting him and he was taking me to see the big city. Well, at least the famous stores in the big city. My side of the state didn’t have things like IKEA and Whole Foods and Crate and Barrel.
The first place we went was a restaurant called Datz. I really can’t even describe this place. If you are anywhere near Tampa and you do not eat here you are robbing yourself. Go there. They also have burlesque shows. Here are some pictures to help convince you.
Afterwards we went to a swanky Publix that had a parking garage and escalators for your shopping cart. I wanted to ride in the cart escalator but they wouldn’t let me. I was impressed though. It was so fancy, like a movie.
And then we went to Crate and Barrel. I am really into food and cooking and love looking at expensive cooking utensils that I would never buy for myself. We were wandering around Crate and Barrel and I was drooling over Le Creuset french ovens and Vitamixes (which I now own).
I bent down to look at something on a lower shelf and almost knocked over a display with my enormous purse. I got a bit spooked and suggested to M that we get a move on. I had suddenly realized it was only a matter of time before I broke something out of my price range.
We were making our way to the register when I stopped to look at a clear glass bowl. I love clear glass dishes. I set it back on the shelf a little too close to the edge.
Gasping, I reached up and pushed it back. I may have pushed it slightly too hard.
It turns out there was no back to the display. They were just flat shelves. Want to know how I know?
I pushed that single glass bowl into a stack of glass bowls. And I pushed that stack of glass bowls into a second stack of bowls. And that second stack of bowls into a third stack of bowls. And then all of that fell right off the back of the display and onto the ground.
The clattering noise of shattering bowls echoed through the shop. It was louder than the Christmas music playing in the background. There was broken glass everywhere.
M turned around and I could tell he was confused. He had turned his back on me for literally seconds. How could I have created such a mountain of destruction in mere seconds?
Our eyes met. In that instant I knew we were both contemplating just bolting for the door and we were having a silent argument about who could get there first. (Hint: Me).
But instead we froze like a deer in headlights. Everyone in the store turned to look at me. And I just stood there, helplessly.
My face was burning, my heart was racing. I was worried I was going to suffer a cardiac event from the crippling mortification. Plus, there was no way in hell I could afford to pay for all those bowls.
After a only a few seconds an employee came over. She was about my age and very sweet. She assured me that it was okay. They would clean it up. I was not the first person to break something in the store. And didn’t I think it was dumb that these displays didn’t have a backing on them.
I thanked her about a thousand times. I tried to stay and help them clean up all the broken glass, but to be honest I was shaking so much that I was pretty much useless.
But the bowl I had originally been trying to save didn’t get broken.