Gin and Tonic

I think I am going to need to buy a new laptop. Remember when I dropped it that time? Well, the power cord is loose now but I’ll just put it off until it completely stops working altogether and buy a new one in a frenzied, angry panic. Good plan.


I’m one of those people that has a very strong stomach for talking about gross things, or even doing gross things. But a very weak stomach for actual food.


I’m going to tell you guys right now; I hate junipers. I hate them. I hate them in any plant form that exists. I wish I had some horrible experience to blame my irrational hatred of them on. But I don’t. My granny had two giant ones in her front yard when we were growing up. And I hated them even as a small child.

Ugh. Look at this stupid fucking thing.

Now I have a reason to hate them.


Gin is made from juniper berries. I have always thought gin and tonics were very classy despite an interesting night I had with my sister J with them. But I had never tried one up till last night. And I was pretty convinced I would not like it. Because of my juniper hatred.


So last night I pour myself this gin and tonic. I carefully sniffed at the mini bottle of gin before pouring it into my glass. It smelled like juniper and I think my mind rebelled a little. But I was determined to try it.

It wasn’t this brand but look at this classy shit. I don’t even like lemon in my water.

I want to be classy, dammit! I want to be one of those people that eats linguine with clam sauce and drinks martinis, and always looks put together. I want glossy hair and clothes that flatter me and actual knowledge on doing makeup. And to me a gin and tonic is right up there with all the classy foods.

Just classy as fuck.

Foods I wind up not liking because I am not classy. I like fried chicken and barbeque and tacos. I wear men’s t-shirts my brother and I pull from the dumpster and jeans and sandals that I think make me look like a lesbian but I wear them anyway.

Get in my mouth!

But I try.


I took one sip of that gin and tonic and gagged. Not one to be deterred by a little thing like a gag reflex, I went to the kitchen, stood over the sink (just in case) and took another sip. I gagged again. You guys know I have an iron will and determination.


So I said, “You will NOT throw this up. You WILL drink this.”


I took another sip. And I threw up in the sink.

I poured the rest of that horrid drink down the drain and had a strawberry lime Rekorderlig instead. It was delicious and got the taste of failure and vomit right out of my mouth. They’re welcome to use that if they’re looking for a new slogan.

This is like alcoholic fruit soda.

Once again, my taste buds have prevented me from the classy lifestyle that is waiting just behind eating and drinking the right things. Apparently.


33 thoughts on “Gin and Tonic

  1. Oh no! I am not classy but that is one of my fave drinks. I’ve become a gin snob thanks to my mom and only drink Hendricks Gin. The best! Though I don’t recommend you try it. I think regardless of your determination and admirable will just say NO to gin. Vodka? 🙂

    • I do like me some vodka. So far I have done a screwdriver (with oranage, banana, strawberry juice) and an ice spike (with mint iced tea). The ice spike is my new favorite. And I can drink like a gallon of tea so I might actually be able to get drunk!

  2. Bwahahahahahahaha!!!

    Oh my gawd, I can so relate to this.

    I don’t understand gin, I just don’t! I want to be all classy too, but I now have margarita’s like they are going out of fashion and have embraced the crazy kooky lady vibe.

    Screw you too classy.

    I’m just awesome. We will be awesome drinking our strawberry and lime cider (which I have a case under my bed at home of) and make our own class.

    • Sharn, I think you and I were separated a birth and thrown to opposite ends of it. Except I hate margaritas. To me they taste like hairspray mixed with grapefruit juice. But I should probably try making my own once.

      • When you make your own margarita’s it changes them. Lots of salt on the rim makes for a tasty experience!

        Although it also depends on the tequila you use. Use good stuff.

        And I think you’re right. We may have well been separated at birth. The cider is the bees knees damnit!

  3. I like gin, and juniper, but gin does not like me. I spent a summer drinking these yummy lemonade gin concoctions that a yummy man carefully made for me, but I had the worst hangovers from the gin — terrible headaches. I’m pretty sure vodka tonic is equally enjoyable, much like vodka martinis.

  4. Ack. G&T is a go-to summer drink for me. BUT I have another one for you, that is so classy most Americans haven’t heard of it. It’s British and called a Pimm’s cup. I will make them for you when you come visit. Bring your party dress 😀

    Or Proscecco is also good. I can do that as well. xo

  5. May I suggest the “French martini”? 1 glass of dry champagne (I hate this stuff, but wait…) with a good splash of Chambord. You’re supposed to float a raspberry or a strawberry in the glass as well but it’s fine without. Saved me from wasting a bottle of champagne I just couldn’t drink…

    • Ooh! I apparently am semi-classy! I do the French Martini ALL the time! I take pink sparkling wine. I am partial to the pink Sant Orsola (its the one that says Brachetto D’Acqui). And I add the whole mini bottle of Chambord to the bottle. I didn’t know that was a real thing. I thought I made it up. Thanks!

  6. OK straight up you live in or near Florida right? The very fact that you made an effort (and succeeded) to v\Vomit In The Sink literally makes you the classiest motherfucker in Florida – just saying. And I need to find me some of those bottled thingys you featured. And I need BBQ

    • Being the classiest person in Florida is like being the least guilty person in prison. You’re still in prison. But thanks! Rekorderlig is the shit. I like to take the wild berry one and mix it with a Lindeman’s Peach lambic. The two are AMAZING separately but when you combine them it takes on a very fizzy pink floral taste that I love.

  7. My “classiness” is to be debated, but I don’t like gin. I do adore scotch, bourbon and vodka. And all on the rocks (depending on the quality level.) Does this make me classy or basically a mid-40-year old dude in the ’30s?

  8. Gin is what you give to people you don’t like and pretend they are crazy not to like it. Blech. I much prefer rum, espcially the pineapple flavored kind. Or bourbon. Bourbon is good. But rum doesn’t give me a hangover, so it is particularly good! 🙂

  9. I have one daughter who loves gin and another who loves whiskey. None of them like fruity, delicious drinks like margaritas, daiquiris, or lava flows. Somewhere along the line, I’ve failed as a mother.

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