I am back from my vacation/blog hiatus. I ate a bunch of BBQ, discovered champagne, hung out with my sister, and watched some terrible horror movies.
The weekend before my sister came to visit I went to a Fossil Show. I don’t know if any of you guys go to things like that, but let me tell you about it. It is 85% men at these things. Almost everyone there is over 60. And it is overwhelmingly white. Just old white men everywhere you look.
And then there’s me. I wore my Jurassic Park shirt in support of fossils. It got a lot of compliments. I generally don’t wear logo’d clothes because I feel like it is sort of an invitation for creepers to stare at my chest. But they stare anyway, so what the hell.
I went with my brother and my father. We walked around examining baskets of discount animal skulls and so fucking many sharks teeth.
I bought a giant ass crystal for my sister because I am awesome like that.
And then we got to my favorite booth. The seller is a creepy old guy that has a ton of random shit. I see him at most of them gem and bead shows I go to (and I go to a lot). He never remembers me, which is just fine by me.
He sells lapidary supplies and cabochons and Native American jewelry (which is absolutely my favorite). But since I have been getting into embroidery, I have been interested in buying some cabochons for my collection.
My brother and I were sorting through his mess of a display when something caught my eye. It was a rough blue opal about the size of my thumb. I am not super into opals, I tend to be very picky about them. But this one was something.
I innocently picked it up, with no warning signs of the horror to come. I was showing it to my brother when the seller came over to us.
“That’s a nice piece of turquoise.” He told us.
It wasn’t turquoise, but whatever. Then he took it from my hand and said, “Here, check this out.” At which point he promptly popped it into his mouth.
He fished it out and held it back out to me so I could see how his saliva had brought out the colors.
But it was too late. I don’t know what kind of expression I had on my face, but it could only have been horror. I backed away from the table. I felt like my whole body was tainted. I felt…itchy.
My brother came swiftly to my side. He asked “Are you okay?”
“Did you see that guy? Did you see him? It was in his mouth. Who does that?” I was freaking out.
“Do you think he’s done that before with it?” My brother asked.
“Yes. Don’t you? I probably have Hepatitis now!” I was getting loud.
“Can you even get Hep from something like that?” My brother looked worried. Everyone in my family defers to me when it comes to diseases because I am the expert.
“Yes!” I whipped out my hand sanitizer and began compulsively spraying my hands. I was seriously freaked out.
Most sellers carry spray bottles of water that they use to bring out the color in their stones. I have never had someone put it in their mouth like that.
I walked over to another booth, far far away from that man. There was a young couple at the booth I happened to walk up to. The man started in on his little speech, but I was just staring blankly into the distance. I was shell shocked, unhearing and unseeing.
The couple I was talking to must have noticed something was off about me. They asked if I was okay. And the whole thing spilled out of me. They looked appropriately horrified and assured me that nothing at their own table had ever been in anyone’s mouth.
But the damage was done. I didn’t touch anything else for the entire rest of the show.