Seems like I haven’t complained about some guy asking me out and then being a total dumbass in a little while. And I wouldn’t want any of you to think that means it isn’t happening. It is. Regularly.


A few months ago, I was asked out by the FedEx guy. This is nothing against FedEx. They offer a great service. Their outfits aren’t as sexy as the UPS guy or even the USPS guy. But they are marginally better than the DHL guys’ outfits.

Oh. Hello…

This guy was decent looking and we had talked a few times. He asked if I could help him out with something related to my job. And then he gave me his address and number.


I got his issues resolved and called him on my work phone to let him know. This is when he began to get idiotic. As we were wrapping up the phone call he said, “So, can I call you sometime?”


“I guess.” I replied. I kind of knew where this was going, but I prefer to not make assumptions.


“On this number?” He asked.


“Uh. Yeah.” I replied. I was already not liking the way he was going about this. But he was still doing better than the previous 10 or so guys that had asked me out.


“Okay. Cool. I’ll call you later.” And then we hung up.


I actually didn’t really expect him to call because I was not being very flirty or friendly with him. That deters the majority of men who seem to want me to swoon at the honor of being asked out by them.


A few days later he called me.  I basically sleep with my work phone. It takes some work to for me to trust someone with my personal number.

Basically me. Without the stubble.

I was out at dinner with my brother when he called. At our favorite restaurant. I decided to answer, to be polite.

Love this place. It deserves it’s own post.

“Hey. I’m eating with my family right now. Can you call me back later?” I asked him.


“Sure.” He said.


Except instead of ending the call he proceeded to ask me a bunch of inane questions about my movie likes and dislikes. I don’t think pop culture tastes really mean much of anything in a relationship. I mean, he isn’t going to be a good boyfriend, or even good in bed if he loves Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind or Stranger than Fiction as much as I do.

What a great movie!

However, the movies he liked were the kind of stupid, immature humor I can’t stand. He had frat boy taste in movies. But again, it isn’t crucial to my life.


I told him again that I needed to get off the phone as we were interrupting my dinner. But he again tried to derail my ending of the call. “Do you have a boyfriend?”


I told him I didn’t. And that’s when he asked the dreaded question.


“You are really pretty. Why are you single?”


I hate this fucking question. It is rude and presumptuous. Like there can be no reason for me to be single unless I am seriously damaged or lacking in some crucial way. Also, like my physical appearance is all I have to offer. My personality could be shit and it doesn’t matter if I am seen as hot according to WASP-y Eurocentric standards. Also, apparently my only possible reason for existence is obviously to snag a man, so why am I not more desperate for one, right?


But, readers, I behaved. I wasn’t rude right away. Instead I replied “I am still single because I know what I am looking for and I am not willing to settle. I will be single until I find what I want.”


“Oh wow. You’re really blunt.” He said with a very judgemental tone.


I am very blunt. But I did not think I was being blunt, so I said. “You asked me a question. I answered it. How is that blunt?”


“It just wasn’t what I expected you to say.” He replied in some kind of weird, flirty tone.


“I don’t know what you expected.” I paused. “Do you have a girlfriend?” I feel this was a very fair question as he had just asked me my relationship status. Also, he had to have expected me to ask it. Right?


He responded. “Well….I have girls that are friends.” He laughed like he had just said something really witty.


I was basically done at that point. I got irritated. “Do you have ‘girls that are friends’ that would be pissed off at you for being on the phone with me right now?” I asked.


“Oh. Well. You know. I live alone.” He again said this in a flirty, coy voice. Like I was going to be so fucking impressed with him for his inability to answer a very simple question.


And I called him out on it. Because I do that.


“Okay. Well you are clearly either in a relationship or you want me to think you are for some reason. I don’t know what kind of game you are playing here, but I am done.”

Also? Mary Poppins is the shit with her badass attitude.

And I hung up the phone.


If you have read my life’s mottos, you know that when I say I am done, I legitimately mean it.


I didn’t give him a chance to explain his dumbass game playing. He tried calling me every week for months. Which is a separate red flag all on it’s own. We hadn’t even had one date. We had one phone conversation, that I had repeatedly tried to end. And that I hung up on him during.


He also texted me a few times. He kept saying he didn’t understand what had happened. Despite me spelling out what had happened.


I even ran into him at work a few weeks ago. He tried to get my attention with the, always classy, honking at me as I walked by. It should surprise none of you guys that I didn’t respond to him in any way during any point.

I actually think he has figured it out by now. But time will tell. I had one guy texting me for over three years after a single date. But that is a story for another post.


35 thoughts on “Dating

  1. I think I am going to go look at kitten pictures on the SPCA website now.

    He was in a relationship or wanted to let you know you had some real competition. Asserole.

    The “Can I call you back?” and the person keeps talking annoys me. My ex did it, my kid does it, my coworkers do it. I think I am just going to hang up after I say it from now on.

  2. You heart breaker, you.

    There was one guy that I went on two dates with in Alaska. The first date, he had just landed in Alaska and he asked me out for coffee. I met up with him at Barnes and Noble and we chatted. He was likeable enough, but he bragged that he used to be a primo weed dealer and that he was a grade A welder. Which the welder I was impressed, but the weed dealing was a huge turn off. I was nice to him and he harassed me for months to go out with him again. I didn’t hear from him for about six months and I was wondering how he was doing in the great white north. So I emailed him and said, “You popped in my head the other day and I wanted to ask how you’re settling in in Alaska.” he asked me if I wanted to talk about it over dinner. I thought it was just being friendly, but he was trying to make it into a date. I ended up going to his place for a beer and he was awful at taking hints. I ended up making out with him and after we messed around he talked about how he was an awesome weed dealer in Alaska and how his welding job sucked and he was thinking of quitting. Then asked me when he would see me again.

    Never saw him again. No time for bullshit like that.

    • Sometimes I wish I was in a relationship. But then I remember all my horrible relationships and see how unhappy all my friends are in theirs. I know good relationships can exist. But it does make me wonder exactly what I am missing because I never had one. And I cant even help being blunt. Even when I try not to be; it comes out anyway.

  3. From one apparently aggressive blunt person to another, tell them to sod off. Stupid twats.

    Ugh. I hate those guys. I really do. And I’m so glad you got his game play right off the bat instead of falling for his stupidity.

  4. Wow.. What a winner, that one. I like your responses to the “why are you single” question. Why is single some sort of terminal illness in people’s minds? Look around, at least half the people you know that are in relationships are miiiiserable. That’s a good reason right there.

    Oh goodness. I should say something more uplifting. Um, it’s late morning and I’m about to go to bed. That’s exciting.

  5. I guess I’m in the minority here, but I think he gets points for persistence.

    And also, what if he was just nervous on the phone? I’ve sounded like a total ass while talking to guys I’m crushing on.

    Clearly I’m just blindsided by the sexy uniform and the possibility for role play…

  6. Maurna, I could just *hear* your voice in my head when you were being all blunt and honest. The voice gets a bit clipped and very precise and the lips are pursed just a little? No? Maybe I was hearing my own “don’t fuck with me” voice.

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