June Search Terms

 

A new month is upon us and don’t think I’ve forgotten what that means. More search terms! There were plenty of horrifying, incestuous porn search terms once again this month.

 

This is also the month of my birth and I am going to be 30 on the 20th. I can’t wait! I know some people freak out when they turn 30. But for me, it is something to celebrate. There was a time when I wasn’t sure I’d make it to 27. I always say getting older is better than the alternative.

 

Some people came across my blog by specifically looking for me. Or nude pics of me. Either way, I’ve come a long way baby.  Also, let me know if you find any nudes of me. I want to make sure I make a good showing.

 

Now, on to those search terms:

 

Life Lesson in a Blow Pop: I’m pretty sure the lesson is that it only takes three licks to get to the center of anything. Oh, wait, that’s Tootsie Roll Pops. Nobody is in a rush to get to the center of a Blow Pop because that gum sucks.

 

Barbie Drag King: Did you guys know that my official Drag King name is Maurice?

 

Exchange student doesn’t love me back: It happens to the best of us. I hope my story about losing my virginity eased your pain.

 

Zoo vagina: I feel like I should be offended. While I do talk about my vagina a lot, I never talk about zoos. Oh wait, I did that one time. Carry on.

 

Gushers eat each other commercial: They really aren’t using cannibalism enough in advertising.

 

Horror movie about a woman who goes crazy in a zoo: I feel like this is a little harsh, Google. I didn’t go crazy, I just realized I never wanted children.

 

awesome nude pics (a little bit safe) that are cartoons: What an oddly specific request. Why bother looking at nude pics if they are a little bit safe?

 

Are teeth hollow: No, rest assured, only mine are hollow.

 

Fucking worlds most prettiest elder sister: I am going to just take this and run. Thank you, Google. That totally made up for the going crazy search term earlier.

 

My dog came inside and puked a bunch of maggots: Hahaha! Now THAT should be in a horror movie!

 

When a woman eats cabbages and potatoes so much can her pussy have a bad smell: Um, I hadn’t heard that. But I wonder exactly how much cabbages and potatoes you are eating that this is a concern.

 

Fucking vomiting on the beach: That’s one place I have not vomited. Yet.

 

Who had a crush on Li Shang: I’m pretty sure the answer to that is everyone.

 

Cosmic Owl dream: Dude, those things are real. I’m telling you.
Sex tape in Taco Bell restroom: I really don’t want to perpetuate the pervy search terms on this blog. But I would totally watch this. Now I must find it. Of course, it will only lead me to my own blog and create some kind of wormhole that will destroy the entire universe. And that’s how the world ends, with Taco Bell porn.

 

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14 thoughts on “June Search Terms

  1. Sex tape in a Taco Bell bathroom made me think of “I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom,” via Digital Underground’s Humpty Dance.

    Either way, yuck.

  2. I always get so jealous when I read everyone’s great and slightly disturbing search terms. Mine (the few I have) are all so tame and boring in comparison. I really must start posting about sex, porn, and nudity.

  3. “Zoo Vagina” and “Fucking puking on the beach” are my favorites here. I could not stop laughing.

    Kid: “Look at my zoo, mama.”
    Mom: “Aw, that’s so adorable, hun.”
    Kid: “All my animals have vaginas.”

    Mom: “What are you doing?”
    Kid: “I’m fucking puking on my sand castle?! What does it look like?”

    Oh, salt water consumption … You do wonders …

    I’m spacing out today. Please don’t mind me. My terms are not exciting at all. I titled today’s piece “Smacking Balls Around,” so maybe that will generate some interesting SEO.

    Hope all is well!!

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