Hey guys. My throat has been hurting for about a week. I finally looked at it in the mirror on Saturday morning. You might ask who is irresponsible enough to wait a week to investigate their throat pain? Me, apparently.


What I saw was horrifying and I instantly regretted it. It looked like those slime monsters from Adventure Time.


My tonsils. Sexy!


I went to Urgent Care, because why would any regular doctor or Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor be open on a Saturday? They looked at it and immediately recognized it as strep. I am a bit of a frequent flyer with strep throat.


The lady doctor told me I might want to think about getting my tonsils removed since I was habitually getting it. Apparently it can move into the heart and cause issues. Like I need any more of that. Also, I hear if you get them removed all you can eat is ice cream.


This is how I want to imagine it. Don’t correct me in the comments, please.


But my throat looked so bad it reminded me of something that happened with A. This isn’t really my story, but I was there and that relationship turned out so badly. The least I can get out of it is a good story. So here goes.


This was in February of last year. A and I had broken up in January, but he was refusing to move out. Luckily, there were two bedrooms.


He had  been complaining of a sore throat for a few days, but refused to go see a doctor since he had no money or health insurance. Finally, he could barely talk and his voice sounded weird. I offered to help him pay for the visit since it was his birthday and I was starting to worry that he was going to die.


We went to an urgent care, but the doctor there sent us away. He said it looked like he had Peritonsillar Abscess. Which is an internal infection that can occur when Strep or tonsillitis goes untreated. And his voice was a symptom that was sometimes called ‘hot potato voice’ you can look it up online, it sounds freaky. He said we needed to see an ENT.

Every image I looked up was nasty. So, no thanks.

So, we went to see this ENT. She took one look at his tonsils and told us there was nothing she could do for us. She referred us to another ENT. She even called and set up an emergency appointment for us with him. That’s when I suspected this Perio-tonsil thing was serious.


At the second ENT’s office we met the ENT I like to call Dr. DudeBro. He came in with a popped collar and was possibly younger than myself. He talked like a surfer frat boy.




Totally, bro.


He looked at A’s tonsils and told us, “it like, totally needed to be lanced.”  It was going to be $500 to do. He could do it right then, if we wanted. Which he “super recommended.” Because that infection could go into A’s brain and kill him.


But A didn’t want to spend the money. And he didn’t trust Dr. DudeBro to lance his tonsils. And he didn’t know what ‘lancing’ was.


Dr. DudeBro left the room so we could “discuss or whatever.” And that’s when I snapped. Just so you guys know, I am not always sweet and understanding (Ha! Did any of you think I was?)


I had just about had enough of A’s shit for one day. We weren’t dating anymore. He was abusive. And I had spent the whole day driving him all over to various doctor’s offices. I am pretty uptight about germs, so hanging out with sick people gets me extra freaked out. I am sure he was having a worse day as it was his birthday and he felt terrible. But I had lost the little sympathy I had for him.


I whirled on him and told him he was getting his fucking tonsils lanced or I would leave his stupid ass here and he could walk home. And then he was going to die and it would serve him right.


After my little pep talk, he decided to borrow the money from his father to get his tonsils lanced. I fronted him the money since the ENT needed it upon checkout.


Dr. DudeBro came back in. He had a scalpel and a suction tube. As you guys may know, I am totally fascinated by medical procedures. I wanted in on this lancing action.



Here is an old timey tonsil remover. I love the case.


Dr. DudeBro sat A down in the chair. He didn’t use any anaesthetic or painkiller. He peered into A’s mouth. There was a tension in the room as he slowly drew the scalpel closer and closer to A’s tonsils. He moved so slowly. I was holding my breath in anticipation.


Then, like a snake striking, he punctured A’s tonsils. The movement was so quick, had I not been staring so intently, I would have missed it. He shoved the suction tube into A’s open wound and started vacuuming it out.


They make those tubes clear so I could watch all the blood and pus get sucked out. It was shocking how much was in there. And why are they always clear?


He put A on a round of antibiotics and I never saw Dr. DudeBro again.



33 thoughts on “Tonsillitis

  1. “I wanted in on this lancing action.” OMG, I AM DYING OVER HERE. Seriously, there are tears I’m laughing so hard. That is hilarious. I’m like that too. I keep telling my husband that I’ve been a medical transcriptionist for long enough that I could perform surgery on him, but he’s just not down with it. Hope you feel better soon! (Still laughing!)

  2. Hehehehehe!!!

    I’m sorry you’re sick though and hope you feel better soon!

    The getting in on the lancing action totally made me giggle. I’m so like that, till it gets really gross then I do the gross dance.

  3. Why why why. I just kept reading even though I knew I was eating a cinnamon roll and that the entire situation was about to be compromised. (I know, it’s 10PM, don’t judge me).

    YOUCH. Well, better him than you X 1000.

    I hope you get to feeling better. Now I understand why the drugs :-/

    • I also tripped and hurt my back, so I’m on the back pain drugs. They make me feel social.
      No judgement here. I just spent $15 on Easter candy sales.

      PS Now I know we live in the same time zone.

      • Muahahahaha very tricksy of you! Except… I’m directly between two tops of the hour, so it depends on if I’m a glass half full or empty person I suppose….

  4. I totally forgot you were sick until I got to the comment section, so let me first say…get the surgery, eat the ice cream, fix your throat. (BTW – if you can get your hands on some Blue Bell I ❤ chocolate, get some. That's a heart by the way. It isn't I love chocolate. It's I heart chocolate, but my computer doesn't make the cute emojis.)

    Does A stand for Ass? Just wondering…

    I too am fascinated by medical procedures. Last year my husband had cataract surgery, and one doctor said I could watch. He was also $1000 more expensive the the doctor who said I couldn't, but it's still on my bucket list. But Pus suction is cool, too, and I would have been fascinated at the whole process.

    I have a doctor who's about 12. I call him Doogie, but I just can't stop going to him because he's just cute (like a baby goat).

    • I heart chocolate sounds like my kind of ice cream! I have two pints of Ben and Jerry’s so that should hold me for a while.

      The A stands for the initial of his first name. The innocent and guilty are only marginally protected here.

      Ooh. Cataract surgery sounds fascinating! I am jealous. I need to date someone with health issues so I can get some more experiences.

  5. I should write a blog about my hospitalizations and body item removals. I’ve had nerves cut in my back, my gall bladder removed and my tonsil removed. I had gone to an ENT because I was getting sick bi-monthly. The tonsils were touching they were so swollen. They put me on steroids (which worked) but they grew again as soon as the meds were complete, so they decided to take them out. The recovery process was a CLASS A, CATEGORY 5 BITCH AND A HALF. I couldn’t have popsicles or ice cream or anything. Room temperature water. For 2.5 weeks. I did lose a tone of weight though…so there’s that.

    That’s not particularly supportive is it? Hmm… Scratch all that and pretend I said “oh honey. That sucks. Feel better.”

  6. Ugh, strep throat is the worst! I hope you’re feeling better soon…keep eating ice cream!
    I’ve never heard of the connection with the heart…hum…
    I’ve had strep more times than I can remember and I still have my tonsils. I’m almost 49 and my heart is pretty good or so I’m told. 🙂
    Feel better soon!

  7. I was laughing so hard by the end of this I forgot it started with you being sick! I hope you feel better soon!

    My and my aunts have spent entire holidays watching youtube vids of people getting boils lanced. Effing fascinating. And disgusting. Probably why I pass on the mashed potatoes now. BUT STILL. There’s so much puss! How can you not watch?

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