When my sister, M, had her son, I made a guided cross stitch bib for him. It was a cheery outdoor scene with blue cross stitch skies. It was basically a paint by numbers for cross stitch. I was 13.
Two years ago I was playing on some random internet site, looking at crafty things, as I am wont to do. I saw something amazing. It was a dirty cross stitch. Adult cross stitch!
I quickly did a Google image search for anything I could find. And I could find a lot. Google images; the good things you lead me to almost make up for the horrible images that scar me forever.
I loved the idea of combining foul language with something as old fashioned and old lady-ish as cross stitch. I determined to immediately make a few bookmarks. After all, I am extremely foul mouthed, hence the name of this blog. And I am super crafty. Besides, I had cross stitched once upon a time.
The supplies were easy enough to come by. And I already knew what my first grown up cross stitch was going to say.
But I really didn’t know the first thing about laying out a cross stitch pattern. In my typical half assed fashion I just decided to wing it. I figured I could just make it up as I go long. This has historically not worked out very well for me.
I can not tell you how little I thought about it before I started (which should be the unofficial title of this blog). I began that fucking bookmark 10 times. I kept stopping and starting and undoing the stitching. It was extremely frustrating. Especially when I could have been spending hours on a craft project I was actually good at.
But I finally got it laid out. There is a surprising amount of math involved in most craft projects. And despite this post, I am usually very lazy about math.
I went out and bought some graph paper to help me plan out my next bookmarker. It went much more smoothly. It only took me 3 tries to get it laid out the way I wanted.
I have lofty goals for my next cross stitch projects. I am imagining floral embroidered tablecloths and funny stitched wall hangings.
And then, the other day, my sister, J, sent me this:
And now I absolutely have to make that too. The combination of two of my great loves: crafting and diseases. My life will not be complete without it.