Search Terms

There are some wonderful bloggers out there that like to talk about the search terms used to find their blog. And I laugh until I can’t breathe when I read them. But I know I am not clever in that way and am not good at that kind of funny. In case you were wondering, my kind of funny is more talking about how idiotic I am. I am really good at that.

 

However, the shit people have been looking for lately is too good to not share. So, you’re welcome wayward searchers. I hope my blog was able to answer your bizarre and smelly questions.

 

List of characters from giant monsters and dra- I don’t even know what this means or why it took you here. I should say both of you.

 

Body odor of rotten potato- I have smelled rotten potato and the only way to kill that smell is with fire or acid. Sorry about your body odor, though, that’s tough.

 

Have you ever fucked your sister doll- Um, no. Are we talking about that kid sister doll or what? Or maybe I don’t really want to know.

 

Good roach killer- I am the opposite of this.

 

Barbie fuck- I know why that would lead you here, I just don’t know why you were looking for that.

 

Gas stations without bathrooms- Those are ideally, the best kind. It’s probably better to just pee yourself.

 

How to tighten your retainer with the key- My mother did mine. I can’t even imagine trying to do this to yourself.

 

Fingering hospital story- I could not be more proud of this. I should change my headline on this blog to this. Thank you, dear internet searcher.

 

What to do if your car smell (sic) like rotten potato- As I mentioned above, the only solution is fire or acid.

 

Bedpan use myself- I hope you haven’t been sharing these.

 

Old Cabbage Patch dolls with vagina- I guess I missed the production of that line of Cabbage Patch dolls.

 

ECG taking inner the vagina whole part while fucking- Were you looking for a really specific porn? It reminds me of Mary Roach’s book: Boink. What a wonderful book about the study of sex.

Wizard of Oz tattoos- Man, mention Wizard of Oz one time and the internet never lets you forget it.

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34 thoughts on “Search Terms

  1. Hahahahaha. I am dying from laughter… Who Framed Roger Rabbit? type of dying from laughter. Here are a few from the past couple days:

    we can’t stop here this is bat country

    anal chalenge (Note: my biggest worry is that they clearly cannot spell)

    darwin gammell asks for help (Note: Who the eff?)

    i wake up every day look in the mirror tell myself i’m a bock beer

    man entering his penis in gay’s ass-manzone (Note: Really?)

    7 oclock stare into an infinite abyss

    walt whitmanthe abyss (Note: Again with spelling…)

    how do i love thee? let me count the ways

    • I am crying! These are great! Everyone should seriously do this. And your blog seems so normal too. The bat country one had me. I lost it!

      P.S. Roger Rabbit is a brilliant film. I loved it as a kid when I got none of the plot and I love it even more now that I do.

      • Oh no, it really wasn’t my idea. I am not that clever. I mean, feel free to reference me. But I stole it from many fine bloggers. Most notably the Bloggess, who just kills me. But you need to do this too! That shit is amazing!

  2. Y’all are killing me with these! I probably need to put one of these together, but I will give you a hint to the greatness (from today too) :

    tupac mom quotes

  3. You are hilarious! You’re as funny as the Bloggess!

    Well, we know the number one for my blog – every day.
    Slut mom. *sigh* Some things never change.

    But I had a couple other interesting ones:
    Hamster 10 Years old Fisting
    When ur pregnant, is your man supposed to suck ur tits

    Now, I have NO CLUE why these are in any way connected to my blog.
    I’m quite certain I’ve never written about either of these things. Nor have I ever even MENTIONED hamsters. So there you have it.

    • Keep telling me I am as funny as the Bloggess and I will seriously murder someone for you. Thank you! It could be worse. Did you see Christopher’s? Pregnancy horrifies me and that last one gave me a full body shudder.

      • Christopher’s were hilarious.

        What was that about anal in the manzone? Did I read that right?

        Your comments on your own search terms ARE as funny as the Bloggess. And I’m a huge fan of hers.

        She and I have a lot in common, unfortunately. The difference is, she gets to tweet about it and one million tweet her back.

        Mine are like silent screams that no one hears….hahahahaha

      • She blows my mind!

        When she is really in her depression, in her mental illness, she tweets like a motherfucker.

        She’s got balls, I’ll tell you that. She puts it OUT there. No holds barred. Have you ever read her on twitter when her shit gets bad?

        I feel for her. I really do. It kinda kills me a little.

      • Yeah. It’s hard for me to read sometimes because of my own issues. But I try to not let that stop me. Also, she is super kind. I have emailed her a few times and she always responds.

      • Really?

        Wow!

        I have, like, 5 emails to return as we speak! Now I feel shitty! She’s the freakin’ Bloggess, and she returns emails better than I do!

  4. BAHAHAHA Maurnas this was brilliant!!! You are SO totally clever in that kind of way 😀 this made me laugh out loud in my kitchen and I haven’t done that in awhile 😀
    I only wish my search terms were as interesting as yours. Since I write about 12 Step recovery a lot, I get a lot of searches involving that. I just checked… mostly boring with a couple of weird ones like:
    werewolf knot girl (?)
    poem about stepping high in god (um… wtf?)
    the dignity of torturing (I really hope this is a book title and not for serious)

    That’s about as good as I’ve got. Maybe I should add more ambivalent tags to my posts =P

    • Ha! Those are awesome! I am glad I could make you laugh. If you just combined all those search terms it would make a really interesting poem. About werewolves and god and torture. Which I think we can all agree sounds like an amazing poem.

  5. Oh, those are doozies! I get a lot of foot fetish ones because I posted a pic of my arthritic feet once. I guess people with foot fetishes do not discriminate – they love ALL feet. 🙂

  6. The two on mine that made me happiest:

    Fake ID In panama city – Pretty specific, no? Good thing I have a blog post with that exact piece of information in it!

    How to tell if someone is lying to you – Legitimately the proudest moment in my blogging history, and that includes the 200+ reads of my post about the kickball tournament. The answer, by the way, is bring them by me. I should be able to figure it out due to my amazing lying skillz.

    • There are no dumb questions here. I am amazed to be telling someone how to do something internet-y. If you go to your stats (that graph thing) and then search terms. And then summary. You look as far back as a year, I think. I hope it brings as much joy to your life as mine has to mine.

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