Sad Sexy Math

Okay, so I started thinking about my sex life. I guess because I am not having one at the moment. And naturally it lead to me to consider my previous sexual partners and I started wondering how much of my sexual life was spent actually having sex. Because I feel like I have had very little sex in my life.

 

But of course, the only way to be sure is to do the math. So I did. Here. For science. And you can’t say no to science.

 

I felt the need to explain a bit of this because I was worried about being slut shamed. But really, I don’t believe in the concept of being ‘too promiscuous.’ I’ve never had a one night stand, though I might like to. These people I was only with once or for one night were because I didn’t WANT to be with them another time.

 

There were various reasons for this. Sometimes because they were so bad I knew there was no fixing it. But mostly because they acted like I was supposed to be their slave once they got me off. Let me tell you men something, your dick doesn’t do anything that any other dick can’t do… And I can get myself off better than anyone else can.

 

Also, my vagina isn’t the South Pole. Just because you have ventured out to it, doesn’t mean you can plant your flag and stake your claim. You don’t own it. I will do what I want with it.

 

I am hoping, in posting this, that some other brave souls will follow suit. I am very interested to see someone’s other than my own. It really was very simple. And of course, these are all estimates. But they are extremely accurate estimates.

 

It was a simple math problem once I laid out all the information. Feel free to email me at maurnas@gmail.com if you want any assistance in making your own. Please make your own, even if you never share it. It was fun and informative.

 

So, here you go:

 

 

My Age

Partner

Relationship Duration(in days)

Times

Percentage

17

G

270

10

0.03%

18

T

1

1

100%

19

J

900

600

76%

21

D

30

4

13%

22

M

30

10

30%

22

V

1

1

100%

22

S

30

4

13%

22

R

30

6

20%

22

A

1260

40

0.03%

25

D

30

4

13%

26

S

1

1

100%

26

D

1

1

100%

26

T

30

4

13%

26

M

1

1

100%

26

M

120

10

14%

27

A

720

300

41%

28

J

1

3

300%

29

R

120

45

37%

Total: 12 years

18 people

3576 days (9.6 years)

1140

31%

 

4380 days since I started dating. Minus 1140 times I’ve had sex. 3240 days I haven’t had sex since I was 17. That’s 8.87 years of no sex! Which is 73% of my dating life. Pathetic.

 

If you have something nasty to say, please don’t bother commenting. My life is my own and I couldn’t change my past even if I wanted to. Sure, there are several people I would have preferred I hadn’t slept with. There are many I wish I had never even met. But, that’s life.

PS  Android  really should make an app for this. Get on that guys.

 what about you guys? Anyone want to share?

 

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39 thoughts on “Sad Sexy Math

  1. Okay, that is some impressive math!

    Just figuring out the percentages is pretty awesome stuff. I thought you were going to throw in some weighted averages, hahaha!

    So, was this to show what percentage of your life you haven’t been having sex? Or how much of each relationship you were having sex? Because most people don’t spend the majority of their life having sex. They sleep, eat, and work most of their lives. Sex, just in terms of hours left in the day, will always take up the smallest percentage.

    I loved this post – so original! But no- I won’t be doing this on my blog. This may sound crazy, but I don’t really talk about my current sex life on my blog. I only dish the distant past, in terms of the sexy stuff….

    • This is all in the past. Some of it the more recent past, but still… I wont be sleeping with any of these people ever again. I don’t expect it to be the majority of my life, but I think it has been pretty pathetic overall. See, if I became a dominatrix then sex would be my job. Then it would be a bigger percentage of my life. Good plan.

    • I am really curious to know what it is like to have one. But I cant help but think one night stands are just bad sex and awkwardness the next day. And I already have plenty of that! Thank you for sharing!

      • Hmm I never waited for the next day!

        Usually I was out of there right after the shagging was over. So don’t really know about the awkward 🙂

      • Hahaha! Smart plan. I hate the next day. I’m just like, “So… That was terrible, right? Let’s never do it again.” I should have thrown in some calculations for the amount of bad sex I have had. Because there was a lot of that going around too.

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  3. Yeah, I am not a fan of math by any means. Kudos to you with that. My percentage is much, much less, but I wish it was higher at times.

    As a member of the not-getting-any club, you’re not alone, and I’m having quite the drought myself. Last night, an ex of mine posted how there were no guys around when she was horny. If this was 2008 or ’09, I probably would have jumped at the opportunity. However, knowing her, it wouldn’t have been in my best interest, and not even in a joking comment. She’s crazy (“cray” for the younger kids).

    I pulled a friend moment last year, and I drove her home from from the wedding she was in. Her apartment was an absolute disaster, and I contracted OCD, overcome with the desire to clean her apartment. Proves moving on is a good thing.

    • Never go back to an ex, man. It’s always a bad idea. I know I am not the only one in a drought. My heart goes out to all of you in your time of need. I do really want to be in a committed, healthy relationship. But I would be fine with passing the time with some casual sex. I just cant seem to find a guy that doesn’t treat me like shit outside the bedroom (or wherever). So, no thanks to that.

  4. oh my gosh, but this is too funny. I can’t believe how infrequently you’ve had sex in some of your long-term relationships. I don’t mean to criticize by saying that… I’m just incredulous that two people who don’t have to feel guilty about having nonstop sex WOULDN’T have nonstop sex. It looks like I fit into the age 19 slot in your chart… hopefully it’ll stay that way, eh?

    • I can assure you that it wasn’t my choice to have so little sex. I was constantly trying. Like every day. Never believe that women don’t get turned down for sex. Or that men are always in the mood. But your comment is EXACTLY why I made this chart. I wanted to know the infrequency of my sex life while in my relationships.

  5. I was never very good at math (except for the time I was tutored at home when I was in my body cast – and then only because my math tutor was TOTALLY a hottie, so I paid VERY close attention). I have no aspirations of EVER being good at math – so I think I’ll skip the complicated table – I don’t want to overtax my tiny brain.

    Since my mommy reads my blog, I may not ever post about my sexual conquests. However, I will tell you that I’ve had 7 partners in my lifetime. Of those, two were husbands, one was a one-night stand, one was slightly underage, and one later became a convicted sex offender. Only two were worth going back for seconds. I also got naked and nearly had sex with three other guys when I was a teenager. I was kind of a cock tease – and I really regret that I wasn’t MORE promiscuous in my youth…because sex is fun.

    • Well, good sex is fun. My brother wants me to do an excel spreadsheet with formulas so everyone can just enter in their numbers and the maths will all be done for them. I still say that Android should make an app. It’s what the world needs.

  6. I could hug you! This post is brillz. haha I love it. I’m so tempted to do this (in secret or my husband would die. He’s not a jealous man, but I don’t think he’d like to see this info publicized! nor would I want to see his). My biggest problem would be remembering. Seriously. I bet I would forget like 5 dudes. I laughed at Jan’s comment. She’s so funny (also).

    Oh no. It’s like a virus. I can’t stop trying to remember all them……

      • I do a lot of this type of math. Like, if a toilet flush is 3-5 gallons of water and I pee in the shower one time every day, then I am saving aprox. 1,095 to 1,825 gallons of water per year just by peeing in the shower. I’m not gross. I’m a conservationist!

      • Like, a story you are working on? If so, feel free! Otherwise I am already a character in a story. I’m the protagonist in the story of my life. And it is a fucking weird story so far.

  7. I’m emailing you – I’m interested in this. I recently counted up the people I’ve had sex with and slut-shamed myself. This may make me feel better. Thank you for your awesomeness and bravery.

  8. I don’t want to calculate my numbers – it’s too depressing. I’ve only had sex with 3 people, but two of them were bad relationships that I stayed in for way way too long!! I look up to women who know what they don’t want and are able to walk away from it.

    • In some ways even a single day is too long to be mistreated. But I prefer to think, you are out now and you left as soon as you were able. I hope you count yourself as a woman worthy of being looked up to. You were able to walk away from what you didn’t want too. Also, three is a perfectly reasonable number. You can always sleep with more people, I can’t sleep with less.

  9. I’ve only been with 9 people… but that was over the course of 9 months and I had 3 one night stands. Then I got married and sex is now non-existant because i”m married.

    Very impressive math. And nothing wrong with having been with a lot of people. If I hadn’t met my husband, my number would probably be WAY higher.

    I salute you, good woman!

    • Thank you. Hopefully my number doesn’t get too much higher before I meet my spouse. Not because there is an issue with my number or anything. I’m just ready to meet my spouse.

      • Totally understand that. It’s funny, I was so happy with my little black book of hook ups (I only dated two of those nine, my ex boyfriend and my husband) but meeting Alex kind of changed my mind. I didn’t even want to settle down.

        Crazy shit, yo.

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