I have been really busy looking for a new place to move to. But don’t worry, I still managed to find the time to have this happen to me:
This past Saturday an anomaly occurred within the universe. I was out enjoying my day when an incredibly handsome man that I know asked me out. He and I are not friends, but I know him through another friend.
Let me tell you right now, that I have always been a bit judgmental towards attractive men. I spent most of my life believing that there was no way a conventionally good looking man would ever like me. And if he did, it would either be as a joke to humiliate me or he would be abusive.
I always preferred tall, chubby, hairy men. Nerdy guys with glasses and bad clothes. Older men. Beards. I liked faces with character and people that were interesting looking. Like sexy ugly, if that makes sense.
I never found these “handsome” men to be attractive. I always likened them to paintings in a museum. I could stare at them all day and appreciate their beauty and artistry. But I could never own one.
This lead me to act like myself around handsome men. They didn’t make me nervous because I knew I had no chance. I was only ever going to be their super cool friend.
But I realized how weirdly shallow this was of me. Good looking people can’t help their appearance any more than bad looking ones can. It was actually pretty rude of me to assume that someone good looking was a bad person. Besides, I have been dating my ‘interesting’ looking men for 12 years and quite a few of them were abusive. So I decided to allow handsome men to date me (I’m a giving person like that).
When this gorgeous dude asked me to go to the beach with him, I was like: “Sure. But just so you know, I hate the beach.”
J and I texted back and forth for a few hours. He was interesting and we had a lot in common. But warning bells were already going off. Not enough to make me change my mind. But enough to make me realize there wasn’t going to be a second date, for sure.
He started telling me all about myself. Maybe this is just me, but I don’t like it when men I don’t know very well tell me how sweet I am. What the fuck do you know about it? Also, I think ‘sweet’ is code for ‘doormat.’ Don’t call me sweet, call me kind. That’s what I am.
Then when he didn’t like how I responded to a question; he told me how I was supposed to respond. He had just unleashed my inner bitch.
“Why are you even bothering to text me? If you already know how you want this conversation to go, just write yourself a script and act out both parts. You don’t need me for that.”
He did not like that one bit. How’s that for ‘sweet’, motherfucker?
He apologized. By this point I was having serious doubts about the beach. But, he was the friend of a friend. And the friend hadn’t said anything negative about J. I was willing to let it go. I haven’t been on a date in a very long time. Did I also mention that he was hot?
The next day he texted me.
“I’ll be leaving for the beach tomorrow at 8am. 8:15 at the latest.”
I responded. “That’s a bit early for me. I have a doctor’s appointment in the morning. Can we push it back to 9 or 9:30?”
“No.” He replied.
I was surprised. “Well, can you at least come pick me up so I have time to see my doctor.”
“No. You need to meet me at my place.”
Now, I was really stunned. “Well, I won’t be meeting you at 8, so I guess I am not going to the beach.” I sort of expected him to relent at this point or maybe make plans to meet up with me later.
Instead he said, “Fine. Please delete my number and I’ll delete yours. I won’t bother you anymore.”
Now I was shocked. What. The. Actual. Fuck. Who the hell acts like that?
All I could say was “Okay.”
He said a few things about how he didn’t have any hard feelings and hoped I didn’t either. But, could I not tell anyone that he had asked me out. (Which is exactly why I am telling all of you right now).
I chose to not respond as the only things I could think of to say would have been very counterproductive.
So, he called me. Our conversation consisted of him repeating his last texts and me telling him to delete my number and never contact me again.
The next day I told my doctor that she had definitely saved me from going on a date with someone that was disturbed in some way.
Who the hell acts like that on an attempt at a first date? Did he think I was going to cancel my doctor’s appointment to go to the beach with him? Where do I find these men? And, most importantly, why do I seem to draw them to me?
At least all is now right with the universe again.
SECOND UPDATE: Damn, I just realized some other point I was trying to make here. I hate when that happens. I always said I didn’t want to be one of those women that ‘tested’ men. But I don’t see how I can NOT do that. I’m starting to see how important it is to find out how someone reacts when they don’t get what they want. And the sooner the better. I think it will help me to avoid guys like this one too.
UPDATE: I just thought of someone better to use as an example of a guy I like that is unconventional. Because Alan Tudyk is seriously hot. Here you go: