When I was growing up in the small town where I lived, there was a retention pond less than a block from my house. I spent a lot of time down there.


It was rarely full of water and I definitely didn’t realize it was intended to hold storm water runoff that had overflowed through drainage pipes. Believe me. I didn’t know.


One day, being in an adventurous mood, my little sister and I went down to the good old retention pond. There was a large opening that looked almost like a cave.

Not a cave.

Not a cave.

I had heard about caves. I even knew what spelunking was. I was 12, but had a decent vocabulary.


I don’t know why in the hell I felt compelled to crawl into that fucking tunnel. I guess maybe I had been sleeping too well lately. I don’t even know.


We crawled into the hot, pitch black, muggy hole that could really only lead to the depths of hell. We crawled for maybe 100 feet, which felt like an eternity to someone with the type of mounting claustrophobia that I suddenly had.


We finally got to a point where we could stand. But it was so dark. We decided to go back home and come back out with a flashlight.


I don’t know what exactly we expected to find. It’s not like the lost city of Atlantis was tucked away down there. If I had taken 30 seconds to think about it, I would have realized this was a horrible, horrible idea.


We crawled back up the dank tunnel, our knees filthy and wet. We left the light off till we got back into that small room.


We turned the flashlight on with the anticipation of explorers discovering a new world. And what did we find?



I thought about posting a picture of a roach here. But I couldn’t handle it. You all know what they look like and I want to sleep tonight.

Thousands of them.


I know living in Florida there are tons of giant goddamn roaches everywhere you fucking look. But they also happen to be the only animal or insect I am afraid of. The only one.


I once had my arm, up to my elbow, in maggots with no hesitation. (That’s a story for another post). I have touched hundreds of lizards, snakes, and spiders.


But I can not handle roaches.


And now I was in a room at the end of a tunnel full of the little bastards.

Absolute horror.

Absolute horror.

Needless to say, my sister and I both freaked out and crawled out of that drainage pipe as fast as we could go. So fast, I even injured my knees.


And I never again had even the slightest urge to ever investigate anything. Ever.



11 thoughts on “Exploring

  1. Hahaha!!! Now I know why you didn’t want me to explore the creepy underground passageway at work!! Bahahahaha childhood trauma. Okay, not funny, no.
    PS- I too played in a drainage pipe as a child! We had those crawfish things in ours *ick*

  2. I literally had a full body shudder when I read this — besides spiders, cockroaches rank super high on my Eeewwwwweeeeekkkkkkk!!!!!! scale. I once had a cockroach fly right out of my blowdryer into my wet hair — my high pitched screams and thrashing around promptly freaked out my kids — who now share my fear. I’m fucking mother of the year.

  3. Pingback: Roach Wars | Cursitivity

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